Children are freaks

Have you considered this FACT?!

I’ve posted this on Twitter, but no one responded to it and my ego liked it when my wife asked who said it (since it was ME!).

Children: the result when two insane people decide to make one insaner

Think about it. There are two distinctly different people with relatively diverse genes. They make the decision to perform the act which, whether they intend to conceive a child or not, and, while it should be performed within the sanctioned confines of marriage, they replenish the earth with children.

These parents might both be beautiful and conceive beautiful OR ugly children or they could be both ugly people and conceive very attractive children (or, of course, ugly ones). But, I suppose, I should qualify that I’m only referring to exterior physical qualities (and by worldly standards), not at all, necessarily, their hearts, which only God can see.

Also, these children will grow up and, while in rebellion against both parents, will attempt to cause one parent to oppose the other. While the child believes they are doing themselves a service by removing the focus of their parents from them, they are actually shaping their futures. While they grow up they are learning how to do everything their parents do. If they cause one parent to fight the other they will choose a side, depending on how the child wishes to be. If the child wants to be aggressive then they will identify with the more aggressive parent. If the child wants to be rational, they’ll identify with that parent. Sometimes, unfortunately, through no fault of the child’s, one parent will be so aggressive that they’ll be abusive in a way which causes them to have distorted perceptions of the opposite or same sex.

But back to my original point. Here’s what might typically happen. They have a Mommy, which their Daddy found SO attractive when he met her and they have a Daddy, which their Mommy found SO in need of her help when he finally annoyed her enough to speak with him. So… you have a beautiful woman and a needy man (who isn’t necessarily attractive… aren’t women charitable?!).

The child usually gets to have shared physical traits of both parents. People look at them and make horribly embarrassing claims in front of them and their parents like, “s/he looks just like you!” while the child looks at them funny thinking, “I don’t have a beard and/or mustache”, or, “I don’t think you’ve EVER seen me when I’m angry – I don’t know what you’re talking about”. I’ve seen pictures of my Daddy and I think I’ve only looked like him at one point in my life when he was a teenager. Until then, I was a freak at the mercies of other people’s perception of me when I walked next to my Mommy or Daddy. And I’ve NEVER looked like my Mommy (because she’s a girl – DUH!).

These children will also do the things that their parents do. The annoying things like use big words which should only be used in writing or horribly blasphemous things like, “OH MY GOD!” which is horribly annoying (and it makes me want to scream, “THERE’S ONLY ONE TRUE GOD AND YOU’RE CALLING OUT TO HIM TO TELL HIM YOU SAW YOUR FAVORITE BUBBLE GUM?!?!?!“, but I usually always chicken out). They walk like their parents and they’ll see nothing wrong with them until they’re older and meet the parents of their friends (who will treat them kinder than they treat their own children because that’s what you do when guests are present… :()

So, since these children are raised by these two different people they’re sometimes told two different things (which sometimes works to their temporary advantage) and these two insane parents have not only made their child insaner, but each other from the tangled mess they get themselves into by not communicating and sharing intel about the common enemy they have which seems to always be conspiring against them.

So, since you’re reading this (and you’re not Adam or Eve), how have you made your parents insane? Do you believe you look like either one of them? Do you have children of your own? Wouldn’t you agree that they’re totally strange (in relation to the person you look at in the mirror) and sometimes you don’t recognize them as your own (since they sometimes have the qualities of their opposite sex parent)?

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